Romney: “And tell em in North Dakota that I’m good on sugar too. If Rick (Berg) can get away with it, why can’t I?”

Romney to Campaign Aide, “We have to win Michigan, it’s critical to my election.”  Aide, “But Mitt, you were against rescuing the auto industry, said they should go bankrupt, and made public statements.”   Romney, “Did you not hear me? We gotta win the Wolverine State.  My Daddy was Governor there.  If we need to do some serious history changing, get on the stick – this is important.”  Aide, “Well I guess we could say that you wanted them to go bankrupt… because you.. wanted them to restructure in bankruptcy?”  Mitt, “Hey that’s great. Let’s add that I made the recommendation and Obama stole my idea!  Let’s even claim that I’m responsible for the auto industry surviving, without me they’d all be out of a job!”  Aide, “Except none of that is true.”  Mitt, “Well that’s why I hired you away from Fox News – you’re my reality distortion specialist.”

Aide to Campaign staff, “OK guys, we have our direction.  I want the History Revision Department blogging a brand new background, and for God’s sake don’t include Mitt’s real quotes!  Once that stuff’s online, we can refer to the posts as our source of fact.  I want the Hacker Department busy removing all references of the boss’s prior statements.  Or at least make it look like it was a solid recommendation for the auto industry.  And call Fox News so we can get Mitt on to talk about how he made it all happen.  I want some believable e-mails from our Forwarded E-mail Department to send out along with some doctored photos of Mitt putting lug nuts on a car or something combien le viagra.  Those are his favorite, nobody checks that crap out.  Go, Go, Go… time’s a wastin.!”

Later that morning…
Mitt to Aide, “Man you guys are good, I’m taking credit everywhere and getting lots of hits on Google.  I have some more ideas as well.  I recall telling someone in a cab just over a year ago that we should kill Osama… I’m thinking that we can say that I gave the order and that Obama just stole my idea!  Gosh this is fun!!”  Aide to campaign staff, “Looks like we got a new work order, let’s go people!”

Read the full article: Romney taking credit for auto industry success  May 8, 2012